


The Monster Within Us~

by C_A_T_M



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Depression, Eren Yeager Is a Ray of Sunshine, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Follows the canon storyline, Fr hes so dumb, Happy Ending, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Being An Idiot, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Being Levi, Mutual Pining, Titan Shifter Reader, Titan Shifters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 10:33:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17021028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/C_A_T_M/pseuds/C_A_T_M
Summary: She was the bane of humanity, the things that caused both fear and disgust within people's hearts. Levi, in a manner very true to himself, could not have given less of a shit.





	The Monster Within Us~

The world was grimm- a place where nothing could thrive unless you had others who were there for you; or an abhorrent amount of money.    
  
She, no matter how uselessly alone and burdened she was, had never quite felt the burning **sting** of repulsion and isolation from her peers. And that sole fear of being cast away, looked at like shit under their shoes, was what was currently eating away at her conscious.   
  
Her fingers fiddled with each other, knuckles of her thumbs rubbed and wrists wringed. If anyone had the ability to read her mind, they would have heard nothing but a faint static, her mind so completely overwhelmed that everything was blurring together into white noise.    
  
She was sat by herself: deserted.   
  
Guilt was consuming her, burning her from the inside out as she sat on her bed, scalding hot. Telling them would be the right thing to do, the _honest_ thing to do.    
  
But was she really ready to risk her own life for the sake of trust?    
  
Normally, the answer would have been yes, but after seeing the less than welcoming reactions towards Eren, and the complete shit show that Annie had put on, she wasn't sure at all.    
  
She was a titan shifter; an abomination.    
  
This fact about herself was only discovered very recently, perhaps a couple of days after Eren had been to court and been kicked shitless. All she had been doing was trying to climb up the tree in the courtyard, determined to get to the top and enjoy the cool breeze, when she had nicked herself against the bark of the wood and felt only a blast of heat.    
  
You could only imagine her shock when a giant leg was attached to her own much smaller limb, a scream threatening to tear from her throat. It was absolutely fucking ridiculous. Her? A shifter like Eren?    
  
'Impossible', she had thought, cutting herself out from the smouldering flesh hysterically, 'no way, why now?'   
  
Why now indeed.    
  
One would wonder why this peculiar talent hadn't been discovered before, especially since she had been with the military for well over four years now. It was bound to have been found out earlier, but it hadn't - and any semblance of rationality was knocked straight from her brain.    
  
It had been discovered and she _was_ a titan shifter and that was the end of that.    
  
Now, she could either tell one of her superiors or keep it to her grave.   
  
As tempting as the latter sounded, she was more inclined to the former because of its rationality.    
  
And the first option she would pick, but not alone. She could **not** do this alone - never in a million fucking years. The only other person who personally could relate to her struggle, was Eren.    
  
Eren Jaeger, the person with the anger like a bomb that was ready to go off at any moment. Either she sucked it up and asked for his help, or she sat on her bed brooding like an idiot.   
  
That was what she was going to do, go to him and ask for his help.    


* * *

Naturally, as it was around lunchtime, everyone was in the mess hall, eating what was classed as their 'meal'. In by other instance she would have been right there with the rest of the soldiers, chewing her way through bread be potatoes. However, she didn't think she could stomach any food, not with the way her insides were churning.   
  
It wasn't hard finding Eren, not at all. Mikasa was always joint at his hip so all she had to do was look for a bright red scarf and the area around it before her gaze would inevitably fall on the brunette.    
  
No one paid her any attention, to busy on their own conversations to give her the time of the day - merely grunting in acknowledgment as she walked past. For that, she was thankful.   
  
Half a minute later, she was behind Eren, tapping gently on his shoulder with a half hearted call of his name, hoping he would hear the first time she had spoken it.   
  
"Yeah?" he did notice, turning around with his beautiful hues staring straight into her with confusion, "do you need something?"    
  
He seemed to recognise her, not that she would blame him if he didn't. She did tend to be a little… isolated, for lack of a better word.   
  
"Eren, could I um, talk with you?" He nodded, curious to her motives for seeking him out, "alone?" She added, feeling the hot and rather piercing stare of Mikasa burn into her side.    
  
He only shrugged and she thanked every god she could think of that he wasn't being more confrontational.    
  
"Sure, let's go," for a boy known for his temper, he was mellow, walking out of the busy room with no arguments.   
  
The library was empty, quiet at this time (more like quiet all the time because no one wanted to read senseless drivel about military tactics) and it was perfect for holding a private conversation. "What was it you wanted to talk about?"   
  
There she went again, her wrists wronged continuously as she looked at her feet, willing herself to cough it up. "I'm a, well uh," a deep breath, "a titan shifter."   
  
Silent. It was dead silent and that fact alone made her skin crawl, too scared to look into his eyes that no doubt was swimming with emotions. "I'm a shifter like you."   
  
The nerves she felt made her body crackle, electricity running over every inch of flesh before a pair of warm hands set themselves on her shoulders, forcing her to look at him; at everything she was hiding from.   
  
"You're a titan shifter? You're not joking?" She almost scoffed at the question, but nodded nonetheless, barely flinching when his hold became tighter. "Why didn't you ever say anything before?"    
  
There was an underlying hint of anger, of betrayal. Like he was upset that she hadn't spoken to him earlier about such a sensitive and personal matter.   
  
"Because," removing his hands from their perch, she sighed, "I was scared. I saw what they said to you in court, I've seen what people think of the Female Titan, of Annie. I only found out a short while after you did and it scared me shit less."    
  
Eren did not move, did not falter in his eagle eyed stare, watching her until he saw fit for himself to speak. "So you hid it?" He sounded disappointed and it stung more than it should have.    
  
"Yes," she stated simply, "I hid because I'm a fucking coward, Eren. I don't have an iron will and I sure as hell wouldn't be able to handle the same bullshit you received. The court hearing was a hot mess and so was the entire Annie ordeal. People don't trust shifters, Eren. You can't blame me for being terrified." Her words, no matter how irritating, were true and he knew it.   
  
Sighing lowly, his hands covered her own, squeezing reassuringly and telling her, in his own underhanded way, that he wasn't mad.    
  
"Let's just go and discuss with Commander Erwin, okay?" she nodded, a soft but small smile on her lips.   
  
"Okay."   


* * *

Knocking twice with no reply should have been all the response they needed, but after Eren had nearly broken the door down in his impatience, she saw it fit to hold his arm down and look around for any other soldiers who could help.    
  
It wasn't long until a girl she barely knew, perhaps a year or so younger than herself, walked down the corridor. "Hey, excuse me," the female turned around, slightly raised brow at the odd duo, "do you know where we can find the Commander?"   
  
The girl laughed, head back with her eyes closed, "unless you're planning to go all the way to Sina, you won't find the Commander for a while." And with that sassy retort, she walked away, turning a corner and leaving them both dumbfounded.    
  
"Wow, okay…" Eren straightened up, his arm free from her hold, a scary amount of determination blazing in his eyes.    
  
Her fear only increased when he turned his head to her. "Let's go to Captain Levi."    
  
If her eyebrows weren't permanently stuck on her forehead they would have flown off for sure at his absurd statement. "Do you want me to _die_? I'd rather lick my own boots."   
  
The information teenage boy was already walking away, only bothering to cast a glance over his shoulder with infuriating nonchalance, "either him or Hanji."   
  
And so her fate was sealed in stone: Levi it was.    


* * *

Eren, a very easily set off young lad, was also surprisingly easy to be around. As she practically quaked in her boots, willing herself to knock on his office door, he patted her back comfortingly and reassured her (well, he tried to) that Levi wasn't as scary as he made himself seem, that he would be helpful and understanding. He even knocked for her!   
  
"State your name and business." Calm and to the point, a typical Levi mannerism.   
  
"Eren Jaeger and (y/n) (l/n), Sir. We're here to discuss private matters." If Levi was surprised at the mention of her name or the odd request, he didn't show it, only uttering a calm 'come in'.   
  
The door closed, and with it her last opportunity to back out went away too.   
  
"What is it?" As much as he made her shiver in apprehension, she met his searing gaze, the grey of his eyes stern and unwavering.   
  
Eren spoke up without any prompting, his movements jittery in nerves that she could relate to. "Well, (f/n) is a-"   
  
"I'm a shifter. A titan shifter like Eren.”   
  
Eren's hand fell from the air, staying at his side as he nodded, "yeah, that."    
  
The pen that had previously been in his hand was dropped, hitting the pile of paperwork with a barely audible thud.   
  
In that moment, she had never felt so small. He did not let his gaze waver, remaining latched to hers with an intensity that was sure to set her flame if he stared at her any longer. His head rested on his fingers, steadily taking in every inch of her figure before he finally said something.   
  
"A titan shifter, you say?" a nod, "then why did you not reveal this earlier?" The accusatory tone was not present in his speech, more so in the slight raise of his brows.   
  
Now or never, she would have to bare her heart out for him to see.    
  
"I was afraid of the consequences. I only found out recently and seeing everything that had happened made the idea of telling anyone unappealing. It was silly and stupid and I do know better."   
  
"And how do I know you're not a threat? You've kept this a secret, how am I to know that you're not plotting something?" It was a valid question but it made her blood boil. She would have rather die than do anything to harm her comrades.    
  
"With all due respect, Sir. If I was to hurt anyone, I would have done it years ago. I've been serving for over four years and have had many a opportunity to kill everybody," Her glare was challenging, daring him to disagree, "but I haven't. And I don't plan to."    
  
Her resolve was admirable, the tenacity hidden within her intriguing Levi further.    
  
The stares were heated, consuming and it was only natural that Eren felt a little uncomfortable - if the shuffling of his feet was in any way telling.    
  
"That's right, Sir. With two shifters on the team, it'll definitely help us. I've never heard anything bad about her either," her subtle glance was not missed, his smile tugging at his lips - warming her heart.    
  
It was nice to know that even if she had no one else, Eren would relate to and stick with her.   
  
"(L/n), you might have my trust, but I don't know shit about your titan form and if you can control it." He stood up, not much height added to him but his intimidating aura made up for it.   
  
Levi's attention snapped to Eren, startling the poor brunette. She would have laughed if it wasn't _Levi_ in front of them.   
  
"Get four eyes and tell her to go to the court yard with backup. (l/n), come with me." Eren scuttled out of the room, an apologetic expression on his face before the door shut again.    
  
Shivers racked down her spine, leaving her suddenly feeling very nervous, but he did not care, instead crossing his arms and tapping his foot almost impatiently.    
  
"You are aware of how big this secret was?" A nod. "And that it was fucking stupid of you to keep it to yourself?" Another nod. "Good. You swear you will not betray the Survey Corps, and our trust?"    
  
Her salute was sincere, strong and even he had to acknowledge the _burning_ honesty in her eyes as she shook her head. "No, Sir!"    
  
"Good, now walk with me."   


* * *

If Levi were to say that he wasn't slowly becoming annoyed, he would be a whole fucking liar. But even he wasn't heartless, he couldn't stop himself from feeling slight pity as red dribbled down her hand uselessly, teeth marks covering her bloody appendage.   
  
She was close to tears and he couldn't tell if it was from pain or frustration.    
  
"It's not working, I-I don't know what to do." Obviously he was not a shifter and did not know what was wrong, so he could not help. Nonetheless the desperation in her eyes was palpable and his heart almost bled for her. If he could have eased the worry weighing her soul down, he would have done so in less than a second.   
  
Eren was close by, rubbing her back as he stared hard at the blood and frustration dripping off of her. "You have to have a goal in mind. You have to need it, to want to turn into a titan." She could only nod, teeth gritted and hand stinging to high hell.   
  
Not every bite broke through the skin and everyone knew she was becoming upset with her increasing amount of failures.    
  
"Captain Levi, do you had a blade?" The question made him blink, not expecting the sudden and rather direct addressing. Nonetheless he nodded,  pulling out on of the blades used specifically for killing titans. "Thank you".    
  
It happened quickly, a bright and nearly blinking flash as she transformed into something that most people wouldn't even dare to dream of; a titan.    
  
Steam and heat flushed the entire area, the sudden blast making his clothes stick uncomfortably to his skin. However those feelings of discomfort were soon forgotten as his usually inexpressive gaze fell onto her form - her huge, _towering_ form.   
  
"She's one tall son of a bitch," Levi spoke, almost to himself, only receiving a response from Eren who looked equally as awed as he felt.    
  
For a titan, she still looked good. Her hair was glossy, styled in a similar manner to how it was kept during her human form. He wasn't going to lie and say she was an ugly being, she really wasn't.    
  
"She's taller than me, which isn't surprising but… Wow." Not paying too much attention to the ramblings of the teenage boy beside him, Levi instead focused his attention onto scanning everything inch of her colossal figure, taking in all the similarities - right down to the soft glint in the eyes that was unmistakable.   
  
Her grunt was loud, defending nearly as she grunted. What seemed to be her lips, though not very well defined, curled up into a definite smile, a giant hand lifting to wave at the crowd of people below.    
  
People who looked either ready to be ill from nerves or from amazement.   
  
"She looks to be in full control," he would have spoken his observations out loud a lot more had he not just seen Hanji squeal like a little child and practically bounce around with notes in her hand, singing praises to the 'titan ' currently in their hold, "holding out pretty well."   
  
The lumbering giant looked down, big and wide eyes scanning the crowd before landing amd staying with Eren and himself, every single splash of colour in her hues now visible. Slowly, as though not to raise alarms, she began kneeling, the earth below his feet running as her left knee hit the ground, both palms extending outwards towards him and Eren.   
  
A quick glance and reassuring smile from Hanji later, he and the teen climbed on, making sure to hold on tight as she straightened back up and placed them on her shoulder, both grabbing onto her hair to balance themselves.   
  
"Give her something to do, talk to her," Hanji shouted mostly to him as Eren had already sat down, muttering something about how it was 'so cool' to be sitting on a titan for once.    
  
'Okay, what the fuck should I say?' Thinking of something to say, he became acutely aware of her entrancing eyes glancing at him, as though asking if he was well. "Can you speak?"    
  
Obviously he felt very silly asking, but it was a starting point.    
  
There was a low rumbling but he soon realised that it was coming from her, her jaw moving every so slowly as jumbled noises tumbled past her mouth. "Caapn Leeevi." Sure enough, the grunts had turned into his name and his own jaw almost went slack.   
  
Nodding, an internal eye roll given as he heard Hanji scream in delight, he praised the titan, "good job. How well can you fight?" This time he only received a subtle shrug, an action he had expected. For now they would assume that she could fight as well as she could when she wasn't in titan form.   
  
Now he needed to test whether or not she actually recognised people: considering she had managed to say his own name, he wasn't too doubtful of her abilities.    
  
"Point out Arlert," A gentle finger pointed in the direction of the short blonde boy.    
  
"Springer," another correct point.   
  
"Moblit," as the finger came towards moblit, he looked positively ill, face going deathly pale.    
  
"And lastly, Ackerman." Instead of gesturing towards Mikasa like he had expected, a gentle finger rubbed his head, messing with his hair with a low and rumbling sound coming from her; laughter, he soon realised.    
  
'She's laughing…' Even Eren, the little punk, was laughing, almost falling from his perch with the intensity of his giggles. Levi supposed it was so amusing because no one ever dared to fuck about with him near, something he was rather pleased about.    
  
Growing slightly tired of the giggles below he signalled for the end. It was enough time to study her, and it was also her first time, they had to be careful.    
  
"I'm cutting you out now," she did not speak, her actions speaking volumes with the subtle tilt forward of her head.    
  
And within a few seconds she was out - unconscious and warm, but out.    


* * *

As he entered the room he had assumed that she would still be asleep, or maybe even laying in bed. The _last_ thing he had been expecting was her pacing around the room in agitation, like she couldn't find anything to do.    
  
The sound of his boots scuffing the floor must have given away his position, because as soon as he had taken a step, she has turned around.    
  
"Good afternoon, Captain."   
  
"Afternoon," returning formalities, he folded his arms and made himself comfortable against the wall, "you did good. Your titan form is intelligent and capable of some speech, do you remember any of it?" The shake of her head was to be expected, even if it was disappointing.    
  
"Not really. A few bits and pieces but nothing that would be useful," shrugging, she fiddled with one of the straps of her uniform and sighed, "is the Commander back today?"    
  
Levi nodded, confirming Erwin's presence. An urgent letter had been sent and a reply was received within a day, stating that he would be back to discuss things with her and the court date that was sure to fall.    
  
"You're with me until Erwin is back. I need you to sign some papers and agreements before we do anything." With no hesitation, she was walking at his side, the journey to his office short and snappy.    
  
Pushing the door open, the smell of lemon and tea enveloping the two, he nodded to his desk - silently instructions her to sit as he pulled out the documents that required her signature.   
  
"Feel free to read them over before you sign, the bastards from Sina sent them over, fuck knows what they could have added into them." Levi was right in his disdain towards the upper class citizens in Sina, witnessing first hand how aloof and immoral they could be.    
  
The rich, foaming at the mouth, cunts knew only how to flaunt their wealth, not once had he ever seen one do anything charitable of their own free will. However, that was merely one thing in the long list of things he hated about them.   
  
"It says here that I will be placed on Squad Levi, is that true?" Looking over his own piece of paper, he scanned the statement and nodded.   
  
"It's true," then he added with an almost menacing undertone, "is that a problem?"   
  
"No, Sir. I was just wondering if it was true." She didn't seem to be at all intimidated by his staring, instead reading over the documents with nonchalance that couldn't be feigned. He almost found it funny.    
  
"The court won't let you remain on your current team, think you'll go and a rampage and kill everyone otherwise," her expression turned sour, like the lemon scent in the air had materialised in her mouth, "I'm not saying you will, but the dumbasses there don't know that."    
  
Another document signed, placed neatly atop his immaculate desk. "When will the court date be?"    
  
"When Erwin is back, it'll more than likely within the few days after it. They'll be trying hard to find a reason to kill you so they'll schedule it fast," he knew that is wasn't the nicest, nor the most motivating thing he could have said but it was the truth. "I trust you'll have more common sense than Jaeger did."   
  
Her laugh was gentle, charming - almost too pure for the life or death situation she was in. "That I will be, I don't want my teeth knocked out like him."    
  
Though he did not outwardly smile, he found her statement to be pretty entertaining, a slight tilt of his head displaying what he could of his emotions. "Is that so?" He had commented, pleased to see her smile widen, a glint of humour in her once barren eyes.    
  
A glint that he found to be all too entrancing.   
  
"Yeah, that's the truth."   


* * *

Being in the Commander's office was always nerve wrecking, the hairs on the back of her neck standing to attention as she itched to turn around and run away, perhaps into a nearby forest where she could return to the ways of her ancestors, the cavemen.   
  
Levi, naturally being the person he was, gave no fucks as he pushed open the door, walking inside without a care and leaning against the wall beside Erwin, whereas she shuffled in behind rather awkwardly.   
  
Saluting, she stood in the doorway.    
  
"At ease, soldier. Take a seat," so she did, rather nervously in fact.    
  
The Commander was by no means a cruel man, just a little on the scary side with his calm and calculating face and icy blue eyes that looked as though they could strip her down to her very soul.    
  
"The report Squad Leader Hanji has given me details that you're able to pick out individuals and form basic words while in your titan form, is that true?" Discreetly fiddling with the fabric of her trousers, she managed to answer without stammering.   
  
"I'm not really sure, Commander. I don't remember much apart from a few voices here and there. I apologise," The blonde man merely nodded, almost disinterested in her actual answer.    
  
He just… stared at her in a rather unnerving manner. Discomfort creeped up on her, especially with the added weight of Levi's gaze on her too.   
  
"Why didn't you tell anyone earlier?" The true questions were being asked and she was just thankful he asked them now instead of later.   
  
Once again, she felt sheepish because of her answer. The Corporal had made her feel like she was being stupid (which she really was, even if she didn't want to admit it) and it made her hesitate towards telling him.    
  
"I was afraid of the reception," she started for what felt like the millionth time, "Eren was thrown to the dogs and was almost killed while Annie didn't help either. I was scared of what people would do to me once they found out and what other people think of me."    
  
Erwin seemed to pause, steel irises meeting azure ones for a split second, coming to a unanimous decision with no words exchanged.    
  
"What made you change your mind? To risk execution with telling us that secret?"    
  
This was the question that had weighed so heavily on her mind for what felt like a millenia. Why did she change her mind? Risk death just for existing? "Because I want my comrades full trust. If I was ever put into a situation where the only way out was transforming, I don't want them to fear me, I want them to be able to work with and rely on me. I realised this and execution is only a possibility. In the end it doesn't matter, because I I've already put my life on the line for humanity by just being in the Survey Corps."   
  
Her back was straight and her visage blank, every word spoken nothing but authentic.    
  
"That is admirable," another split second glance, "what do you think, Levi?"    
  
Of course he would take the few seconds in between to stare her down, as though determined to figure out her innerworkings.    
  
Levi's response was slow, yet stern and final. "I trust her."   
  
Smiling, Erwin nodded, "then so do I. Your court hearing will be tomorrow at 4," upon seeing her nod, he dismissed her with a gentle reminder to keep healthy.    
  
"Have a good day, Commander, Corporal," with a respect nod to each, she left the room and practically ran down the hallway.    
  
With one set of interrogations done, Erwin was free to turn around on his chair and look at Levi - a man who had come so far from what he used to be. "You're not one to make people sign contracts Levi, especially about them being on your squad."    
  
In a manner that was very true to his nature, Levi only shrugged wordlessly.    
  
"You'll be personally escorting her inside. You left quite the impression last time and I don't think they'll doubt your abilities to keep her in line. Not that she ever did much wrong anyway," Erwin couldn't say with full confidence that he had ever noticed her out of a crowd. Sure she was a bright and eccentric person, however she tended to stay mostly by herself, seldom interacting with others unless needed. "And Levi, no violence."   
  
His words were met with a scoff, the shorter male already walking towards the door. "She won't die."   
  
"I know, you won't let her."   


* * *

Eren and Mikasa stuck at her side like glue; a side effect of being able to bring along two other people. The brunette had heard of her court hearing and had practically begged on his knees to be taken along, and Mikasa? Well she was a package deal.    
  
Her mood was pitiful, not that anyone had been expecting otherwise. The hood over her head did well in hiding her face, but the soldiers of the Survey Corps were observant, with Mikasa already commenting on her sour aura.    
  
"The courts aren't a very nice place, you have to remember not to speak. They want you dead and will find any reason to kill you, you're better off remaining quiet," Mikasa's words, even if horrifying, were exactly what she needed to do. More than enough evidence was presented last time she was here for Eren's trial; it was almost fascinating how adverse to change and new things people could be.    
  
The corporal sat in front of her, a suit draped elegantly over his shoulders, his posture perfect and expression cold. "Ackerman is right, the bastards want you dead. We got away with Jaeger but they're not going to let you off the hook so easily. Look down and do not speak unless you want to be sentenced to death."    
  
"Rest assured," Erwin cut in, distracting her from the slightly terrifying words of Levi, "we will keep you alive. You are valuable and part of humanity's last hope."    
  
And before she could even breathe, she was being whisked away, hands cuffed behind her back with Eren and Mikasa being taken to the stands, only Levi accompanying her inside.    
  
"Don't stress over this. You won't die, not by the hands of these pigs," even if he had phrased it in a less than eloquent manner, she felt reassured, whispering a small 'thank you'. She doubted he had heard but if she was judging by the almost unnoticeable curl of his lips, he had heard loud and clear.    
  
Dressed in simple black trousers and a white shirt, she knelt on the floor in the same position that Eren has assumed a few months earlier.    
  
Boring was one way to describe it; the murmurs, the stares and the disgusted looks, downright torture was a better way of explaining it. Ridiculous really how people that knew nothing about her made assumptions based off of a single fact they knew.    
  
"Commander Erwin, you have yet another titan shifter in your division," the judge started, eyeing her 'very subtly' with distaste. She would have laughed had the words of the Ackermans not rang in her head.   
  
"A female shifter! The other one killed everyone!" Ignoring the accusatory comment, she focused her eyes on the position, fire glistening in her eyes with her head held up with pride.    
  
"You're aware of what the other female titan had done. What's to say this one isn't the same?" Violence: the mixture churning in the pit of her stomach was vile.   
  
Erwin was unphased, having had experience with Eren and had already planned and answer to the majority of the predictable questions. "Never before has she shown any signs of hostility. Being with the Survey Corps for over four years and another five years in training, she would have had plenty of opportunities to hurt anyone. She also had only known of her abilities for a few months at best, there had been no time for her to hone them and cause harm."    
  
A solid argument, as expected from the Commander. Yet the Jury didn't look so convinced, scoffs and snide remarks filling the air, noses turned upwards.    
  
"How do you know she's not gaining your trust to then back stab you later on?" Another pretentious fuck yelled out, the judge nodding in agreement - an action that had Eren's eyes rolling.    
  
"We searched her room, belongings and records for anything suspicious. She also willingly came over and told us. It is highly unlikely that anyone with malicious intent would intentionally reveal their secret to us when we have the means of killing them." All eyes drifted to Levi; the man uncaring and unamused at the waste of his time.   
  
Her teeth gritted, offended that they could think such a thing.   
  
"And you would be able to kill her?"    
  
The Commander nodded, gesturing faintly towards Levi. "She will be supervised by the Corporal in his own squad. Any sign of a threat and she will be killed."    
  
A shiver coursed through her body at the lack of mercy, but it for the sake of everybody else.   
  
So, with the protests of multiple members of the sickening jury, the decision was made that she would live, so long as she remained under the watch of Levi. Not too bad of a condition but not pleasant either considering how… anal he could become.    
  
With the hammer banging, it signalled her release and she was out there like a flash of lightning, not wishing to remain in a room full of judgemental dick heads for a second longer than needed. It wasn't good for anyone's health to be around such negative energy.   
  
"Fucking pieces of shit. As if I would ever do anything like she did. Son of a bitch," muttering angrily to herself, she barely noticed how Levi bristled at her anger, almost slipping from his mask of indifference with a snort.    
  
For someone that usually stayed quiet and unspoken, hearing her furiously curse out and entire room full of people was enough fodder for a week. "They don't know you, they're too scared to do anything but be scared. All the assholes do is hide under their fucking cloaks like Pastor Nick and mumble chants to some god."    
  
And she laughed, the sound beautiful and tingling and he could almost _feel_ the heat flushing his insides at the melodious tone of it. "I guess you're right, thank you, Sir."   
  
She was welcome, she really was.    


* * *

Three weeks and instead of getting better, it just seemed to get worse. Instead of people avoiding her simply because they knew she preferred to be alone, they avoided for because they were afraid. The difference may have been unnoticeable to others, but to her it was staggering and only highlighted her earlier fears.   
  
Sure she wasn't condemned to death, but with the reactions she got whenever she stepped foot inside the mess hall, she might as well have been.    
  
The seniors and the higher up's treated her the same, barely giving a shit that she was a shifter (aside from Hanji who just loved making her do small and silly tests) and carried about their day. It was the other soldiers that made her feel isolated, a noticeable hush falling over every table as she walked past, mumbles and whispers following her every waking moment.   
  
People that were meant to be accepting were nothing but simple minded.    
  
She had no solace, no outlet.    
  
Levi had told her that since he was now her Captain, that she should tell him if anything is annoying him, but this wasn't a problem he could just beat back into place. It almost made her feel like a helpless, drooling infant, having to rely on a someone else to fix her problems.   
  
A depressing thought, she knew.    
  
She was tired, so _so_ tired of being alone, of being afraid of people and their opinions and prejudice about her. Loneliness grabbed onto her like a vice, latching onto her while adamantly refusing to let go.    
  
No one tried to understand, to hear her side of what had gone down, tried to down and listened to her story. Instead, they made up their own assumptions and went on their merry way and it really was draining to witness and be a part of.    
  
Every meal, every training session, every second second that she wasn't hiding away felt like hell. She was burning under the weight of their gaze and she wasn't going to able to hold on any longer.   
  
"(y/n)?" The sound of Eren's voice made her glance up, his head peeking through the doorway with a sheepish smile present on his lips, "Captain wants to see you."    
  
Of course, she thought humorlessly, who else would want to see her?   
  
So she walked, walked with no purpose and no trace of the fight that had been within her just a couple of months ago. Isolation truly was the worst form of torture.    
  
The knock was faint and he didn't even bother to ask who it was, instead instructing her to walk in and take a seat.    
  
"Now," he started, watching the door shut before placing his full attention on her, "what the hell is bothering you?" Now, that was definitely the last thing she had been expecting to be asked by her Captain.   
  
"Nothing is bothering me, Sir." It was hard for anyone to look as unimpressed as he did now, lips drawn into a straight line as he observed the female closely, "really."   
  
"I wasn't born yesterday, (l/n)." He was being rough, almost scoffing as steel grey bled into her soul. The only reason he was being so gruff was because he _cared_. Almost a little too much, and he has for a ridiculously long time now.   
  
"It's really small, honestly, it hardly matters," she stifled a groan at his slow blink, "I just… feel so lonely and it's so goddamn hard to just stay focused and positive when all I want to do is curl up and die. People fear me and it's just upsetting to know that they won't talk to me of their own free will." there it was, out in the open for him to judge and nitpick.    
  
A beat of silence passed and it felt like nothing short of a century.   
  
"Lonely," he echoed, almost in disbelief, "you feel lonely?"    
  
Really, he had no reason to reiterate her statement.    
  
"You're being pathetic, (l/n)," those words made her reel, having to blink several times to get over the shock that had slammed into her. "It's sad how you're moping around feeling sorry for yourself when you know damn well you're one of the best soldiers we've ever had. So what if they're scared of you? That's their own fucking loss, talk to people who want to talk to you, like Jaeger and his lot, and get your head out of your ass."    
  
Crude statements they may have been, but they were nothing but helpful - giving her the reality check she desperately needed. And the nature of them had her giggling, his blatant disregard for trying to be comforting and nice was refreshing, cute even.    
  
Levi, naturally, was rather bewildered by her rather delusional chuckles, automatically wondering if he gone to far and she was laughing as some sort of coping mechanism. Though, he did admit that he quite enjoyed hearing her laugh, the sound beautiful and fluid.    
  
"Thank you, you really have a way of making people see what they need to see. It's really nice and I appreciate it," standing up again, content with the speech she had received, she made her way to the door of his office, already a foot step out of the room when he stopped her.   
  
"My office is always open, (l/n)."   


* * *

As expected after hearing such a motivating speech, she had become more chipper, eager to start anew and try to enjoy the life she left. Eren and his friends, despite being younger than her by a long while, were nothing but accommodating and welcoming, treating her as though she wasn't a horrific monster.    
  
It was calming just being treated like a normal human being.   
  
Nonetheless, her visits to a certain Corporal's office never seemed to lessen, with her either heading there to discuss random things, or because he had demanded her presence like the big man child he was.    
  
Despite this, she found herself enjoying his company, finding it peaceful how he was never needlessly loud or irritating. Sure his mouth wasn't the cleanest, but neither was hers. Over the time they were together, he found herself liking him a lot, a dangerous amount really.    
  
But those feelings were always squished down and suppressed, never thought about except the deep darkness of the night, when the only thing that shone was the pale glow of the moonlight and stars.    
  
So, right now she had walked in, a cup of hot black tea in one hand and a pile of paperwork, courtesy of Hanji, in the other.    
  
"Morning, Captain," Now Levi was nothing if not professional, but the way his heart clenched and palms sweated, was in no way suitable for a workplace environment. "Squad Leader Hanji asked me to drop this off so you could review it."    
  
Shuffling them together neatly and placing the tea on top corner of his desk, she turned to leave.    
  
"(l/n), sit." Of course she obliged, sitting down with a questioning expression as he paused his hurried writing, "how are you feeling?"    
  
It wasn't rare anymore for him to be asking but sometimes she wished he wouldn't, just because it made it so much harder to keep her emotions and thoughts to herself. So she spoke an almost rushed "I'm fine," before taking a deep breath and carrying on, "you know, Captain, for someone who's always asking about my feelings, you never tell me about yours. Not even a small 'I'm okay'."   
  
He paused, looking back into her eyes, "why would I?"    
  
"Because communication is healthy? I mean, I wouldn't exactly be sat here if I didn't tell anyone how I felt," he understood the hidden meaning loud and clear, finding himself swallowing saliva while thinking of a response. "Not once in all the years I've known you or of you, have I heard a word leave anyone's mouth about how you felt. The most I've ever heard was that you became impatient with someone fighting and gave them stable duties,"   
  
"That's because it's nobody's concern. I choose not to tell anyone," he was unable to look at her, finding himself shrinking away under the topic of conversation.   
  
"Understandable, but not your best attempt at a dodge,"    
  
"And what do you know, Soldier?" It was almost comical the way he switched his speech, like he found it touchy to even bother looking at the unhealthy things he was doing.    
  
"As innocent as I may seem," a scoff, "I've seen enough people fall victim to their emotions. And I'm one hundred percent certain you have to. People who are so consumed what they feel that they can't deal with it, and others who never had a chance to figure it out. You're somewhere on that scale, Captain."    
  
"What if I said I wasn't?"   
  
"Then you're lying," she announced almost smugly, "you're still dodging my question."   
  
And it as soon as he said his next sentence that he knew he had royally fucked up, her eyes turning hard and expressing melting into a cool and collected one, one of indifference     
  
"And you're pushing too hard, Soldier. Know your place before I have to show you where it is," the regret biting at his thoughts as soon as he saw her change.    
  
She stood up, chair scraping against the floor harshly as she stared him down, "how mature of you, Captain, really. I will take my leave." Just like how she entered, she had left with a flourish and his sanity.    
  
The second the slam of the door registered in his head, he tilted his head back, hands covering his face as he cursed everyone and everything he knew. Why did he have to fuck up everything just when it was going right?    
  
He couldn't help it. He became so uncharacteristically... nervous around her. Which was ironic considering it should have been the other way round. For. long while now he had den nursing a ridiculous crush on her, knowing full well the conditions of the world they unfortunately resided in. His mind knew the danger well, his heart did not.    
  
Nothing about her had ever been particularly stunning, she was mediocre almost. But after he had noticed the way she lit up when speaking about something she enjoyed, her unending resolve to keep living and her loyalty towards the life she had picked, how could he not like her?    
  
That was one of the reasons why he had come off as soon harsh when she had come to him to tell her what was probably that biggest secret ever, because he was in awe that she had the bravery to come forward with something that could kill her.    
  
However right now she was mad at him, and rightfully so. He was going to have to make this right.    


* * *

For someone that usually left whispering in her wake, she sure was slippery, always leaving just before he would arrive somewhere and strategically managing to avoid him despite his best efforts.    
  
It was damn hard to track her down, always evading his grasp like water running between his fingers.    
  
Really, it was getting ridiculous how fast she could just disappear and he knew that after a month of this stupid cat and mouse game, he had to take matters into his own hands.    
  
And the opportunity presented itself in a rather aloof manner, taking the form as overseeing her titan transformation.    
  
Hanji, thankfully, didn't ask too many questions and was just grateful to have someone to cover for her. She did have some other matters to attend to and she trusted Levi enough to see the testing over.    
  
It wasn't too much to test either, just to see if she could still hear and understand commands and to test her titans reflexes.    
  
Sighing almost inaudibly, he went outside to the deserted area of the courtyard where he was just in time to see her transforming, a flash of heat and steam penetrating the air and blasting him with warmth.    
  
However, as soon as those big and beautiful eyes caught sight of him, she had turned around and grunted unhappily, the sound echoing and reverberating around the area.    
  
"Wow," he grumbled, "how mature of you, (l/n)." Unfortunately he did not see the irony in his sentence, unaware that she had uttered an identical sentence before leaving.   
  
She only crossed her arms, stomping a foot and shaking the ground. "Stop acting like a fucking child, we have things to do. Act like a baby after we've finished."   
  
"Eurgh, nnno," He almost laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of the sound, shaking his head to rid himself of any further amusements.   
  
After the initial bumpy beginning, it was easy to get her to comply. Obviously she wasn't going to directly disobey orders, no matter the form, but she was going to be difficult to deal with. Purposefully stomping around and glaring holes into him as he wrote down notes.    
  
Thirty minutes of this nonsense was the limit of what he could take, his nose scrunching as he held the bridge of his nose tightly.    
  
Better than nothing, this was the only chance he was going to get and even if she wasn't going to remember it, he was going to talk now, like a good person who wasn't a complete moron.   
  
She was sat down, poking the ground with a large finger as he walked up to her, standing at the foot of her feet and borderline yelling her name to get her attention.    
  
Had she been any other person, he would have feared being squashed under her feet because of the vicious stare he was receiving. But he swallowed down his fear and mimed for her palms to lower so that he could climb up, her hands raising until he was level with her face.    
  
It was now or never.    
  
"Listen now and listen well," deep breath in, "I'm sorry, (y/n)," The use of her name made her head tilt. "I'm sorry for being rude to you, for being irritable when it wasn't your fault for being nice. I've liked you for a stupidly long time now and you're going to fucking forget this so let me down now," instead of doing as he has asked however, a  familiar rumbling laugh vibrated his insides, an inhumanely large digit rubbing his hair and messing it up.   
  
"Sure, fucking laugh it up," he mumbled, irked with the slightly screechy chuckles, arms crossed until he sighed. "That's enough, you're coming out now."    
  
She complied easily, head tilting forwards and he was immensely glad that she would not remember a single word he said. A cowards way out, sure, but the better option.   
  
However, one thing he hadn't accounted for (and in hindsight, he really should have) was as soon as she had woke up, that she would yell out a loud 'I LIKE YOU TOO!".   



End file.
